the door was opened. i knew i was having visitors. however it felt different. i didn't feel right. i walked into the house and placed my stuff down. the house had an eerie feel. it didn't felt good.

walking to the living room as a usual routine to make known to everybody at home of my existence. before i could shout. i heard soft chantings in the other room. i went closer and it got louder and louder.

i peeked into the room. my aunt came over, told me to be strong. don't cry. i looked over to the bed. my questions were answered. but new ones came pouring on me. why now? why him?

i stared at my dinner as i thought rationally. i guess we all knew it was coming and that. we were mostly prepared for it. but just now this soon...

grandma came out. asked me to finish my food, there were shivers in her voice. hear eyes were tearing as she started talking. she has had the most memories and good times. and i could tell that she was trying really hard to be strong.. i felt a small static on my head. as if i was being patted. but there was no one around..

images of memories flashed past. disgraced at myself for not being the wonderful grandson for the past 15 years. i know i wasn't bad. but i could be better. i shouldn't have talked back to you those few times. or shouted at you when i was framed. i could have talked it through in a calm and rational tone. and perhaps spent more time with you. played more chess. maybe be part of the activities that you had participated in...

images of your smile that made my days that much brighter. but i'll make up to you. i'll be a good boy. i'll study hard. i'll do great things. i'll get regconised. i know perhaps its too late to promise all these to you. but i hope you will see me do good up there.

goodbye 爷爷。